The Epilogue: A Victory Lap

No regrets, live your life how you want to. In my other post I mentioned I knew I would change my mind, here is that change.

Only you can make your decisions, so be confident in your decisiveness. 

The world we live in nowadays drops a lot of rules on you. While these rules may not be written in stone, they are expectations. The societal norms. Certain expectations, pressures society has chosen to be acceptable. Even worse challenging society has become less and less acceptable. While everyone in society wants to share what they feel your should do.

Think about all the times in your life when you have done something because you HAD TO. Did you really? 

I had to go to school, I had to get good grades, I had to work, I had to make money, I had to take that job, I had to be friends with this person. HAD TO is a very common phrase in society today. You haven't had to do shit. 

You have chosen to do it, but why? What drives you or drags you through your day-to-day. It can be a multitude of emotions, and truly only you will ever know them. But perhaps what none of us want to talk about is the possibility of fear, fear can account for and impact a lot of things, in many different directions, you can be afraid of ANYTHING! Conflict, disappointment, change, fear can result in so many things that impact our day-to-day lives and decisions.

Personally, I have realized I have allowed fear to impact me, and as someone who thrives on their perception of confidence, that is hard to admit.

Confrontation is possibly one of the greatest most under-appreciated aspects of life. GREAT THINGS COME FROM CONFLICT. But there seems to now be a fear of disagreement, a fear of conflict, fear of challenges. All of this with the inability to disagree or have conflict but maintain a sense of respect for someone's opinion or decision. 

Good lord do I love conflict, I will conflict with anyone and anything, it is part of my foundation if I believe in something, I will go down throwing punches for it. Who cares what is acceptable about that, very few productive things have taken place in the world because someone immediately said yes. 

It is however risky and scary, you are putting yourself out there, being vulnerable, by being challenging. Being willing to do it does not guarantee success. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. But maybe that is what makes it all worth it, the reward that follows a risk. The challenge that you put upon yourself. 

I am 22 years old and a senior in college...

SOCIETY HAS A LOT TO SAY ABOUT ME LET ME TELL YOU. It is February 20th as I write you this. I am expected to be landing a full-time job, be deciding where I want to live for the early portions of my adult and "real world life". I am supposed to be finding financial security, being smart. Taking my degree and finding support and creating a career path, ALL OF IT. 

Pardon my language here but FUCK THAT. 

I will never do that. What is the point of that life? Where is the passion, the drive, the love of life, the risk? I do know what I want to do with my life, I want to have a lasting POSITIVE impact on the people I am blessed with in my life. 

The impact that so many people have had on me. I believe that the best way to do that is through coaching, and over the past few months, I have begun that journey. Resulting in some of the hardest decisions I have had to make in my life. 

But to graduate in 4 years and start my collegiate coaching career would be pretty much following the rules.

...Would there be an OUNCE of regret? Leaving perhaps the only positive thing to come out of COVID-19 on the table?... 

Due to COVID-19 collegiate athletes received a blanket waiver for the 2020-2021 NCAA season, by rule not costing athletes a year of eligibility.

Everything I wrote in my previous post is true, I look back on the past 4 years and only one word comes to mind, thankful. I have grown in ways I never imagined, I have proven things to myself I never even thought possible. But I still have things to prove, I still have an impact to make, on a community, and team that I love.

I can play one more year of the sport I love, in the village that I love, surrounded by my teammates, coaching staff, and community that I love, at the university that I love and that has helped make me who I am today.  The "real world" can wait, society can wait, normal is boring, normal is easy. 

I have an opportunity to finish what I started, to reach the lofty goals I set for myself long ago, and do it while also growing for that next chapter of my life. I will never be able to express the extent of my gratitude to Ohio Northern, the coaches that have believed in me throughout my career, and the teammates and friends that have been there for me through thick and thin. For all that they have provided for me. But I can try. 

So I will be playing my final year of eligibility at Ohio Northern University, and I will also be working tirelessly this summer and into the season gaining experiences in college coaching. 

Forever and Always. Go. Bears. 

The End: Not Just of a Chapter but of a Book

It has come to an end. I am writing this almost as a commitment to myself because knowing myself, and my self-diagnosed bipolar tendencies I will most definitely second guess my decision, and attempt to change my mind. It is November 8th, 2021 as I write you this... 

Spoiler alert...I did. 

17 Years roughly I have been involved with the game of football, my mother's claim to fame however is that it is 22 years after I attended my first football game at the ripe old age of 3 months. Football has changed my life, it has shaped me into who I am, it has impacted me, but there is more to me than football. 

There is more to me than what was the stereotypical high-school quarterback, or now a collegiate athlete. Even though at times I let those around me think that those titles define me. I know there always has been and always will be more to me. 

From the Westchase Colts, to the Berkeley Buccaneers, on to the Cranbrook Cranes, and now the Ohio Northern Polar Bears, I have played for a wide array of coaches, and programs. Institutions that my priorities did and did not align with. All of this has shaped my career, my thoughts, and my mindset moving forward. I have had coaches that changed my life, and I have had coaches that just let years go by. I have played for institutions that believed in and supported athletics, I have played for institutions that probably would wish them away. 

I am thankful for all of it. 

In the end, I never did obtain many of the lofty goals I set for myself. This is not to begin a pity party for myself but instead the beginning of a bittersweet reflection. But one that is not the end.

"What's meant to be, will be" a saying that I have worked to live by for quite some time now sits at the top of my head because while it's meant to be, it does not mean you have to like it. It also does not mean you can't influence it. However, I am thankful for it. 

They say you get what you put in. You must make sacrifices to be successful in all aspects of life. I never made the biggest ones necessary. Perhaps I still haven't, I am working on it.

I dreamed of winning a state title in high school, and I worked hard, but I never did enough to make that a reality. I didn't make those sacrifices necessary. I was the hardest working Quarterback in our league, as well as our district, we won both of those, but in the state, I was not. I am, however, thankful.

I wanted to play division 1 college football. To reach that goal you have to be one of the best 400ish quarterbacks in the country (that may be being generous) or know someone and even then you can come up short. I wasn't even the best Quarterback in my state I may have been top 10 but I wasn't there. However, I am thankful.

I wanted to be a 3 to 4-year collegiate starting Quarterback, at whatever level I ended up at. That never materialized, starters remained, transfers arrived, COVID hit, I didn't reach my potential. There are countless reasons why statistically my college career never hit how I wanted it to. However, I am thankful. 

My play on the field was always solid, but it was never great. I did what I could for the team I played with in my skillsets, I was tough, and I was smart, but I never challenged myself to grow my skill set or abilities, not the way I could have or should have. However, I am thankful. 

Off the field is a completely different story. I was involved in all aspects of a team, I was an NCAA rep, I was a leadership council rep, I ran team social media, I recruited, and in this last chapter, I have begun coaching, officially. 

I was a leader, I would say an exceptional one at that. I stood by my teammates and my locker room at all costs. I challenged coaches, athletic directors, and even school principals. I worked with underclassmen, allowed them to grow while also encouraging them, I wanted to be someone they could believe in and rely on. I did anything and everything for any team I was a part of, the team always came first. For that I am thankful. 

I will never be a player on a team again, I will never be a player in a locker-room full of guys from all backgrounds brought together by one common goal and interest. I will have those guys for the rest of my life though, the friends, and family now that has come from just a sport. I am eternally thankful for them. 

Thankful, yes I am. What a journey it has been, I just highlighted what to some could feel like positives and some negatives. But, "what's meant to be, will be". I ended up at the most amazing university for me, one that without football, I would never have known existed. It has surrounded me with opportunities and people that will be with me for the rest of my life, people I love, and opportunities and experiences that changed my life. 

This first book in my life is coming to a close, it was 22 chapters of ups and downs, scene changes, antagonists and protagonists, reoccurring characters, cameos, cliffhangers, and disappointments, with a few sprinkled in happy endings. 

As my time in Ada comes to a close I know there are still final pieces to be settled, final pages to be finished. But I am thankful for this 3 stop light village, that was brought to me by football. 

I am excited about my next chapter, I can all but guarantee the scene will change, new characters will be introduced, old characters will become part of the past, opportunities and challenges will grow. All of these will be part of the sequel, one that I am now even more confident that I can handle, and help write. 

"What's meant to be, will be" But that doesn't mean you can't influence it, or change what you are meant for.

***Disclaimer: Every good story needs an epilogue*** 
TO BE CONTINUED