The Epilogue: A Victory Lap

No regrets, live your life how you want to. In my other post I mentioned I knew I would change my mind, here is that change.

Only you can make your decisions, so be confident in your decisiveness. 

The world we live in nowadays drops a lot of rules on you. While these rules may not be written in stone, they are expectations. The societal norms. Certain expectations, pressures society has chosen to be acceptable. Even worse challenging society has become less and less acceptable. While everyone in society wants to share what they feel your should do.

Think about all the times in your life when you have done something because you HAD TO. Did you really? 

I had to go to school, I had to get good grades, I had to work, I had to make money, I had to take that job, I had to be friends with this person. HAD TO is a very common phrase in society today. You haven't had to do shit. 

You have chosen to do it, but why? What drives you or drags you through your day-to-day. It can be a multitude of emotions, and truly only you will ever know them. But perhaps what none of us want to talk about is the possibility of fear, fear can account for and impact a lot of things, in many different directions, you can be afraid of ANYTHING! Conflict, disappointment, change, fear can result in so many things that impact our day-to-day lives and decisions.

Personally, I have realized I have allowed fear to impact me, and as someone who thrives on their perception of confidence, that is hard to admit.

Confrontation is possibly one of the greatest most under-appreciated aspects of life. GREAT THINGS COME FROM CONFLICT. But there seems to now be a fear of disagreement, a fear of conflict, fear of challenges. All of this with the inability to disagree or have conflict but maintain a sense of respect for someone's opinion or decision. 

Good lord do I love conflict, I will conflict with anyone and anything, it is part of my foundation if I believe in something, I will go down throwing punches for it. Who cares what is acceptable about that, very few productive things have taken place in the world because someone immediately said yes. 

It is however risky and scary, you are putting yourself out there, being vulnerable, by being challenging. Being willing to do it does not guarantee success. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. But maybe that is what makes it all worth it, the reward that follows a risk. The challenge that you put upon yourself. 

I am 22 years old and a senior in college...

SOCIETY HAS A LOT TO SAY ABOUT ME LET ME TELL YOU. It is February 20th as I write you this. I am expected to be landing a full-time job, be deciding where I want to live for the early portions of my adult and "real world life". I am supposed to be finding financial security, being smart. Taking my degree and finding support and creating a career path, ALL OF IT. 

Pardon my language here but FUCK THAT. 

I will never do that. What is the point of that life? Where is the passion, the drive, the love of life, the risk? I do know what I want to do with my life, I want to have a lasting POSITIVE impact on the people I am blessed with in my life. 

The impact that so many people have had on me. I believe that the best way to do that is through coaching, and over the past few months, I have begun that journey. Resulting in some of the hardest decisions I have had to make in my life. 

But to graduate in 4 years and start my collegiate coaching career would be pretty much following the rules.

...Would there be an OUNCE of regret? Leaving perhaps the only positive thing to come out of COVID-19 on the table?... 

Due to COVID-19 collegiate athletes received a blanket waiver for the 2020-2021 NCAA season, by rule not costing athletes a year of eligibility.

Everything I wrote in my previous post is true, I look back on the past 4 years and only one word comes to mind, thankful. I have grown in ways I never imagined, I have proven things to myself I never even thought possible. But I still have things to prove, I still have an impact to make, on a community, and team that I love.

I can play one more year of the sport I love, in the village that I love, surrounded by my teammates, coaching staff, and community that I love, at the university that I love and that has helped make me who I am today.  The "real world" can wait, society can wait, normal is boring, normal is easy. 

I have an opportunity to finish what I started, to reach the lofty goals I set for myself long ago, and do it while also growing for that next chapter of my life. I will never be able to express the extent of my gratitude to Ohio Northern, the coaches that have believed in me throughout my career, and the teammates and friends that have been there for me through thick and thin. For all that they have provided for me. But I can try. 

So I will be playing my final year of eligibility at Ohio Northern University, and I will also be working tirelessly this summer and into the season gaining experiences in college coaching. 

Forever and Always. Go. Bears. 

The End: Not Just of a Chapter but of a Book

It has come to an end. I am writing this almost as a commitment to myself because knowing myself, and my self-diagnosed bipolar tendencies I will most definitely second guess my decision, and attempt to change my mind. It is November 8th, 2021 as I write you this... 

Spoiler alert...I did. 

17 Years roughly I have been involved with the game of football, my mother's claim to fame however is that it is 22 years after I attended my first football game at the ripe old age of 3 months. Football has changed my life, it has shaped me into who I am, it has impacted me, but there is more to me than football. 

There is more to me than what was the stereotypical high-school quarterback, or now a collegiate athlete. Even though at times I let those around me think that those titles define me. I know there always has been and always will be more to me. 

From the Westchase Colts, to the Berkeley Buccaneers, on to the Cranbrook Cranes, and now the Ohio Northern Polar Bears, I have played for a wide array of coaches, and programs. Institutions that my priorities did and did not align with. All of this has shaped my career, my thoughts, and my mindset moving forward. I have had coaches that changed my life, and I have had coaches that just let years go by. I have played for institutions that believed in and supported athletics, I have played for institutions that probably would wish them away. 

I am thankful for all of it. 

In the end, I never did obtain many of the lofty goals I set for myself. This is not to begin a pity party for myself but instead the beginning of a bittersweet reflection. But one that is not the end.

"What's meant to be, will be" a saying that I have worked to live by for quite some time now sits at the top of my head because while it's meant to be, it does not mean you have to like it. It also does not mean you can't influence it. However, I am thankful for it. 

They say you get what you put in. You must make sacrifices to be successful in all aspects of life. I never made the biggest ones necessary. Perhaps I still haven't, I am working on it.

I dreamed of winning a state title in high school, and I worked hard, but I never did enough to make that a reality. I didn't make those sacrifices necessary. I was the hardest working Quarterback in our league, as well as our district, we won both of those, but in the state, I was not. I am, however, thankful.

I wanted to play division 1 college football. To reach that goal you have to be one of the best 400ish quarterbacks in the country (that may be being generous) or know someone and even then you can come up short. I wasn't even the best Quarterback in my state I may have been top 10 but I wasn't there. However, I am thankful.

I wanted to be a 3 to 4-year collegiate starting Quarterback, at whatever level I ended up at. That never materialized, starters remained, transfers arrived, COVID hit, I didn't reach my potential. There are countless reasons why statistically my college career never hit how I wanted it to. However, I am thankful. 

My play on the field was always solid, but it was never great. I did what I could for the team I played with in my skillsets, I was tough, and I was smart, but I never challenged myself to grow my skill set or abilities, not the way I could have or should have. However, I am thankful. 

Off the field is a completely different story. I was involved in all aspects of a team, I was an NCAA rep, I was a leadership council rep, I ran team social media, I recruited, and in this last chapter, I have begun coaching, officially. 

I was a leader, I would say an exceptional one at that. I stood by my teammates and my locker room at all costs. I challenged coaches, athletic directors, and even school principals. I worked with underclassmen, allowed them to grow while also encouraging them, I wanted to be someone they could believe in and rely on. I did anything and everything for any team I was a part of, the team always came first. For that I am thankful. 

I will never be a player on a team again, I will never be a player in a locker-room full of guys from all backgrounds brought together by one common goal and interest. I will have those guys for the rest of my life though, the friends, and family now that has come from just a sport. I am eternally thankful for them. 

Thankful, yes I am. What a journey it has been, I just highlighted what to some could feel like positives and some negatives. But, "what's meant to be, will be". I ended up at the most amazing university for me, one that without football, I would never have known existed. It has surrounded me with opportunities and people that will be with me for the rest of my life, people I love, and opportunities and experiences that changed my life. 

This first book in my life is coming to a close, it was 22 chapters of ups and downs, scene changes, antagonists and protagonists, reoccurring characters, cameos, cliffhangers, and disappointments, with a few sprinkled in happy endings. 

As my time in Ada comes to a close I know there are still final pieces to be settled, final pages to be finished. But I am thankful for this 3 stop light village, that was brought to me by football. 

I am excited about my next chapter, I can all but guarantee the scene will change, new characters will be introduced, old characters will become part of the past, opportunities and challenges will grow. All of these will be part of the sequel, one that I am now even more confident that I can handle, and help write. 

"What's meant to be, will be" But that doesn't mean you can't influence it, or change what you are meant for.

***Disclaimer: Every good story needs an epilogue*** 
TO BE CONTINUED

When it's Gone. 08/10/90/99

It's said, "you only appreciate things fully, once they are gone." I have come to realize this to the fullest of extents over 21 years on this earth. It can be little things or big things. Places you were in your life you took for granted. Decisions you made or didn't. Opportunities you had, that you both took and missed. 

I understand I have not written in quite some time, I also understand that after reading that first paragraph this has a bit of a somber tone. I think it is going to pick up stick with me. 

I want to talk about appreciating not things at all, but people. Most people who know me can safely say I am a people person. I think that comes from the people I have been blessed with in my life. I know what good people, genuine people can do in someone's life. However, I know that I do not always appreciate, to the fullest the people in my life, making an impact, always in my corner. 

I think everyone can show it differently, a parent, an aunt or uncle, a cousin, a friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend. Every person has a different way they show support, or how they show, that no matter what you are never going to lose them in your life. 

I have been blessed with a lot of these people. Sometimes even I find it harder to realize that they are there for the long haul but over time, I appreciate it. 

On August 19th, 2020 I lost one of those people that I was beginning to learn to appreciate. He and I had a special relationship on the field. As time was passing the relationship off the field was developing as well. He no longer asked me about football, he asked me about life, work, academics, family, girls. He cared about the all-around man I was becoming. Sometimes he even let out a smile. 

My perspective and life have evolved since that day, and while no I am not where I want to be, I like to think I am going in the right direction. 

I have hugged teammates in ways I never thought I would have to. I have been at a loss for words when young guys looked to me for answers. But in a fashion only Coach Jones could entail I have grown, I Get To grow. 

I have learned that you have to appreciate it all, IN EVERY MOMENT. I have put a priority on living in each moment with those I hold so close because nothing and no one is guaranteed. I have tried to get past bad situations, tough and difficult choices, decisions, outcomes, finding what I get to do moving forward.  All of that comes from Coach Benjamin Jones. 

Perhaps what makes it all so more real for me, is that he was exactly 9 years older than me. August 10th, 1990, and 1999.

I have never been big on birthdays and trust me I don't think coach was either, but my birthday is forever changed. Don't get me wrong I appreciated my birthday, trips, and newer traditions, with people I will always love. But I have always said they are just another day but once again that is me not appreciating the things in my life I am blessed with. 

I spent two birthdays with Coach, my 17th and 18th, on the practice field, my junior and senior years of HS. That is almost what my birthday had become. A football practice day, I have had football practice on 7 of the last 8 birthdays I have "celebrated". I was perfectly okay with that! I believe possibly one last time that is how I will celebrate my birthday this August. 

But now my birthday means more, while it never truly was just mine, I can safely say, now it is our birthday. A day that I celebrate another year of life with the people and things I appreciate. 

With all this being said, this is not a random post, or writing. I do have a lot going on, decisions and choices at some point I will need to make, but I GET TO make those, I get to keep learning, growing, maturing and moving forward. And perhaps I needed a reminder of that, and one of those people I can never stop appreciating. I love you coach, and I will never forget the impact you had on me. 

I will end this "announcement" on this note, Coach Jones should be entering his 3rd year as the Head Football Coach at Cranbrook schools. Coach Jones should be my first call if I were to ever win the lottery. Coach Jones should be pushing student-athletes to be the best versions of themselves both on and off the field (which would include barrel-rolls). But instead, he is gone far too soon. 

The woman who hit and killed Coach Jones was driving at a .28 blood alcohol level, this selfish act took Coach Jones away from not only his current and former players, friends, and family, but kept him from having an impact on countless student-athletes to follow. I ask, no I beg, before you drink and drive, think about the other people you could affect, because it is never you who is affected the most. 

I will never forget, and I will not let his memory and legacy be pushed away or lost. I GET TO find the positive, I GET TO learn, I HAVE to, for him. 

Remembering Coach Jones

This started out as a letter to the 2017-2018 Cranbrook football team. Then I expanded it to the current players of the Cranbrook football team. Now I have decided I want it to be there for anyone who loses or has lost a coach. As for the first time in my life, I have lost a coach that changed my life and helped shape me into the athlete, teammate, and leader I am today.

As I barrel-rolled across the field today, for the first time in my 8 year football career I smiled during what is normally one of the worst things a player can have to do after a workout. Because I knew Coach Ben Jones was looking over me, probably laughing at me but watching over me. 

Coach Jones and I had a special relationship, one that not many people knew about. My junior year he was one of the first people to believe in me before I even believed in myself. I was a junior quarterback stepping in for the first time for an injured senior. He pulled me to the side put his arm around me (which was a little out of character for the Coach Jones I knew up to that point and said, "this team believes in you and so do I" I think a little smile even snuck out. 

From that point on I knew the real Coach Jones. Including the days when he would ask me how the team was doing, what the energy level was. He was a man who always had my back not just because he was coaching the guys who kept me off my ass. But because he believed in me through my entire CK career and to this day. 

The final story I will tell is one no one really knows because I was sworn to secrecy. My senior year, I did not really have a position coach, and as custom in football, stickers are presented to players after big games, wins, accomplishments of all kinds. Well, they come from position coaches and I didn't have one so about week three of the season coach came up to me and said "where are your stickers?" I didn't have any at the time he showed up 5 minutes later with a whole sheet, "You have earned all of these and more keep leading kid" That was the coach he was. Behind the scenes doing everything he could for the players he cared so much about. There isn't another person, or coach in the world I would want to share my Birthday with. https://twitter.com/CranbrookFB/status/895774741893656576

The Letter:

To my brothers, each and every one of you, 

Whether I played with you or not, know that we are a family and always will be. I wish I could be there to give each of you a hug and make it feel better. But right now I can’t and in all honesty, it won’t feel better for a while and that is okay! I hope you all can find strength in each other and in all of us who knew Coach Jones, know that you are not alone. 

He cared about each of us so much and wanted to bring the best out of you not only on the field but in life. It did not matter if it was your first year playing for him or you were an all-state senior, he was going to hold you accountable and expect the best from you. He was a great man and pushed every-one of his players to reach their full potential.

The memories you have of him will carry on with you for the rest of your life, I know that because as I sit here and write this, my memories with him fill my mind. The barrel rolls across the field, the deep-raspy yells that could have been heard across the lower fields, the hugs after big wins, and losses, he was truly a players coach.

He was tough on the surface and at times a hardass, but he was real, and he loved each of his players. He was going to tell you what you needed to hear no matter the situation, but he also knew the right things to say. He could sense how his players were feeling and he knew what each one of us was capable of.

None of this makes losing such a great coach and even better man easier. In all honesty, this shit sucks. 

I challenge each of you to keep him in your hearts for the rest of your football careers and more importantly your lives. Take the lessons he taught you and apply them to every aspect of your life. We all carry a part of him with us, and we are a part of his legacy. 

If any of you need anything please don’t hesitate to reach out, I have put my phone number at the bottom of this, and it is for all of you to have no matter what. 

Sincerely, 

Trevor McConnell

My Family Writes

To those that know us the best we are not emotional rocks, ESPECIALLY THE MEN! We cry, and when we cry, we cry hard! We wear our emotions on our sleeves like good Irish, and Scottish decedents should. We often have no filter, this is very true with the two youngest men that hold the McConnell name. And when we feel emotions we feel them to the fullest of extents, no matter the emotion high or low, good or bad, our emotions run the extreme.

My family tree is not the largest, and it is littered with females thus our last names continue to expand. We are spread across the country, and across age demographics. We love all kinds of things, we have interests in sports, reading, photography. We are athletes, we are salesmen, we are engineers, we are educators, we are managers, we are McConnell's. 

We are writers. 

In full disclosure a McConnell recently departed on their own new adventure, without the rest of us. In my eyes she was the strongest McConnell. Arguably the most opinionated of us all, she knew her beliefs and was not afraid to share them. We loved her for it, and the world is better off for it. 

(She wrote this herself)

https://www.legacy.com/obituaries/stltoday/obituary.aspx?n=elizabeth-mcconnell-bj&pid=195566793

I would be lying if I said we were the closest in our family, I will be honest and say that I did not know all that she had done until recently. I knew brief snippets of all the things this powerful woman had accomplished and yes, powerful is the word to describe her. 

So many wonderful things have been written about her. It is not my place to write more about this woman that I loved with my whole heart and even more so now respect for all that she accomplished and how she captured life!

Instead I wanted to write more about my family, and how we all are writing to deal with life nowadays. My cousins write(one of them puts us all to shame), my father writes, my uncle writes, and I write. I may be biased but we are all pretty damn good at it. 

Writing gives me a voice not many expect me to have. To this day when ever I tell someone I write I get a surprised look on their face as a response. Writing has become a platform for me to share other-sides of myself. It gives me an opportunity to be creative while also sharing, what I choose to share. Getting things off my chest in a distinct way. 

My dad writes for a multitude of reasons I am sure but, often they are to voice emotions that he couldn't share in the moment, sometimes because he was getting emotional. For I believe the past 3-4 years as a new school year has come upon us he has written me a letter. He has written me when he knows I am down, he has written me when he knows I am up. The act of writing something in today's society gives it all new meaning. 

My uncle and two of my cousins currently write to grieve, to cope, to celebrate, and to reminisce. Often times bringing their readers to tears (thanks Ross). Today because of all of their writing they sparked me writing. 

Writing is a freedom, and a gateway to more of oneself, it can be a stress reliever, an outlet, or therapeutic. 

With so much of my life seemingly turned upside down, I write because I know that it can't go anywhere. 

So I ask what would you write?

How you beat it!

Stuart Scott changed the world of sports broadcasting forever. He was taken from us far too soon. He still impacts people to this day, myself included.

I have taken this quote from his famous 2014 ESPY speech and for the longest time tried to apply it to every aspect of my life. It feels more applicable than ever today, it has for about the past week. I think I have been trying to deny the idea that my sophomore year in this little village that has become home, is coming to a close.

Surrounded by corn, and people who have, and continue too, change my life. I have entered my final 36 hours here. A year and semester that started with so much promise, comes to a close two months too early.

But I refuse to let it cripple me, I believe that more than ever what Mr. Scott spoke 6 years ago reigns true.

You beat the things that bring you down in life, the things that threaten you, by not allowing them to destroy you! You live your life, you continue your passions, you grow, you continue to live life!

I am the last student remaining on Ohio Northern University campus, At least that is what it feels like, and that is what I am going to tell myself. I have continued my days, I "go to class" online of course, I workout, I eat, I sleep, I play video games, I talk and hangout with friends. I refuse to let anything take away this life I have been given. To bring back a slogan that maybe more people need to apply to their lives, YOLO!

I have enjoyed these past couple days, walks through Ada, time with special people. I have taken this social distancing and isolation and in my own words, "Kicked COVID-19's ASS.

Do I have COVID-19? No, I don't think so but, considering what is continues to do to the world, I think everyone has it to some extent. However my Gen Z form of rebellion is not letting it effect me, or minimizing it to the best of my abilities.

Go live you life! Stay safe! Be smart!

But in your own way go kick COVID-19's ass!

Stargazing

Life is not easy. However maybe that is the beauty of it. Nothing seems to go to plan. Nothing seems to come easy. Yet we power through, we get through, we learn, we grow.

Tonight for the first time in far too long I went to our stadium and stared at the stars. Now keep in mind I go to school in the middle of a cornfield, our skies are gorgeous on clear nights. Something that I have not nearly taken enough advantage of. I sat underneath a windmill in a spot that will forever hold a spot in my heart for a multitude of reasons and I took it all in.

Maybe this was a reminder to "put my big boy pants on". Maybe this was a reminder that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this was a reminder to just go to work and focus on myself. None the less I needed it.

As someone who keeps his emotions, at least the deepest ones closest to his chest I will never be the first to admit that sometimes I don't know. For so long now I have kept the perception and the reputation of just being the guy in control. The guy with the answers, I am never too stressed always relaxed never too high or too low. From an early age I learned the 3 Cs calm, cool, collected. I have lived by them.

2020 has however tested all of me. In facets that I never could have predicted. I have seen those most important to me at their lowest. I have seen the normalcies of my life get thrown out the window. I have looked in the mirror and pushed myself to be better to step out of my comfort zone, to own who I am, who I want to be, and who I need to be.

So in a night where I needed some perspective I looked to the stars. I was in awe of their simplicity and beauty. It had been so long since I just looked up and enjoyed what has been given to me. Something that I have written about before. I truly don't know how the future unfolds, but I do know what I control. So it is my choice as to how I want to handle what I control, which is who I want to take the future on with, and how I want to live it.

So I ask, when was the last time you stargazed?