Adversity + Week 1

How do we handle being wrong? How do we handle messing up? How do we handle not getting what we want? I understand it sounds childish and these issues may also seem immature but they are something that plagues me and if I had to guess others. 

Human beings are natural planners, they have exact ways that they want things to go, even if they know 9 times out of 10 nothing is going to go to plan. This idea of a plan results in hope, hoping for one thing to another, hoping the results and the future looks how you want it too. BUT, it doesn't always turnout that way. It doesn't always end in a happy ending. This leads to disappointment.

How human beings respond to disappointment can be different in every situation. But no matter how big or the small it sucks, and it leaves a mark moving forward. You are always told learn from mistakes, learn from disappointment, but it doesn't make the pain in the moment any easier. Perhaps you do learn and grow and go on to be better after the past, there is still a wake left, one that unless you have a time machine you can not control or fix. 

On the field this week we were dominated, on the offense side of the ball. Self inflicted wounds made even our smallest success on the field look bleak. We just could not get it going, as the quarterback it starts with me, I made poor decisions in my first start in 5 years, I got lost in the game. Instead of rising to the opportunity presented in front of me I was almost more swallowed by it. I made mistakes I haven't made since high school, things that hadn't presented themselves in practice for years. But it happened, and all I can do is respond and learn, and heal. 

I am pretty beat up, I took an estimation of about 15 hits on Saturday some of them I could have avoided myself, some of them were unavoidable. So with some bruised ribs, and a right hip thats purple and the size of a baseball my body has to recover. 

I also have to recover emotionally, it's been a long couple of weeks, the stresses and the ups and downs of being a college athlete can weigh on you. Add that to mistakes I have personally made and you have the perfect storm someone does not need going in the situations I am in. 

How will I respond to the adversity that life is throwing at me now. I don't truly know. 

I am trying! But I understand it is an uphill battle, and I have to face it the best way I know how, and learn and grow from some of the toughest weeks of my life. 

My Escape + Pre-Season

 I am very bad at emotions, feelings, any source of humanity I struggle with. 

The one place I have always been OK at it is in my writing. Sometimes that means my texts are better than my ability to talk and communicate, sometimes that means a blog post is my way to express what's inside. (I understand this isn't healthy and I need to get better at handling my emotions and feelings, in general, I need to mature in that side of life).

I had been wrestling with writing for a while, it's crazy but in a summer that seemed more low-key than most, I was almost busier. But I always knew I would come back to writing. 

I spent the summer "living the dream" I worked in our football offices and then was blessed to go back to Orlando, Florida for almost a month and work with some amazing people at AAU putting on their volleyball national championships. Followed that with a trip to Disney and It seemed like I had figured a lot of things out.

I was wrong, I was acting, and I am probably more lost and confused trying to figure things out now than I have been ever before but I am 23, I don't have all the answers. I am still learning and growing and most importantly making mistakes. I heard recently a quote from Kobe Bryant, "the story goes on" Kobe Bryant said that when talking about failure and how no matter the result, the consequence, it's never really a failure because "the story goes on".

I had different ideas on what I would write about, I am a bit of a scatterbrain while also being bi-polar. But one idea I kept coming back to was my most vulnerable idea. Opening my mind and soul to people as I enter a very different fall than my past 4. I am going to write every week this semester, the good, the bad, the ugly, the pretty, the football, the not football and give an insight into my mind as I finish my career, and my education at Ohio Northern. 

As I enter this fall, I am the starting Quarterback at Ohio Northern University. An old man, team grandpa,  a 5th-year senior, and the Quarterback at this amazing university I have called home for the past 4 years. Now did it happen as I dreamed it would ABSOLUTELY not. Injuries, lost competitions, lost games, lost people. It reminds me of something my dad always used to say, "you go to college almost more so to learn about yourself and learn who you want to be than the material you learn about in the classes". I have to learn now who I really am, and who have I become over the past 4 years. 

This pre-season has been different from my past in that for the first time, I am looked at as the starting quarterback to go along with being voted a team captain for this final year in Ada. The expectation is that I am the person that leads the offense and the team. Rightly or wrongly the quarterback receives a lot of the credit and often a lot of the blame in the game of football. The team game of football. I love this team, and this pre-season has solidified that I made the right decision returning to ONU. This group of guys is special and I love each and every one of them. 

Throughout camp our coaching staff does as much as it can to build a team and family of the 150+ guys we enter the season with, it is the job of the seniors and the leaders of this team to bring it all together. It can be anything from team bonding meetings, to speakers, to movie nights, anything to bring the team together. I was asked a couple of key questions through camp, questions, and advice to give to the freshman. 

Q1: What is something you wish you knew as a freshman? (this applies to almost everything in life though)

A1: There will be good days and bad, and that is okay, there will be ups and downs, it is a part of life. 

Q2: What is your advice to freshmen?

A2: Enjoy every little moment, live in the present, because you don't know when it will be over, and the good times will be all the times when you look back at them with memories. 

I somewhat surprised myself with the answers, I seemed so wise and thought out, so put together. It is what I genuinely wish I had known, but there is still so much for me to know. I may be the oldest player on the team, but I am far far far from having all the answers for my teammates. 

There have been good days and bad days on the field, probably more good than bad, but it is closer in number than it should be. I have to work on that because as a leader my attitude drives more than I am even aware of. I have to be the best I can be so others push themselves to be the best they can be. 

Off the field, as we enter the first week of the real season I am doing everything in my power to keep everything the same. I have to handle this week just like it's any other week, but it's not really, is it? It will be my first collegiate start, and that's the reason I came back, well one of them at least, to compete and play and help this team win football games. I am nervous, I know I am surrounded by great people, coaches, teammates, and supporters that will prepare me and help me be successful but that does change the fact that I will be nervous and that is okay. 

I am also still in college, I think a lot of people in the world forget that on the bigger stage. Those athletes wearing your alma maters uniforms on Saturdays are still that, college kids. They have other things in their lives going on. I understand that maybe they are being given A LOT by a university to perform and compete but perhaps understand they are still college students. They have classes, they have social lives, they have families, they are not robots, and they are not perfect. 

Remaining in college as a 23 year old, after most of the class you entered school with has graduated is an interesting feeling in all honesty it is a lonely one. The campus in which you were surrounded by "your people" now feels like a pit stop before you drive off into the real world. 

I only have one class this fall so the distractions at my disposal educationally are quite limited. But I can still make distractions and mistakes, and I have. 

I have made decisions that hurt the people I care or say I care the most about and to her I say I am sorry. But I have to live and learn from those consequences and outcomes. I have pushed away people that only wanted to be there and support me, and I ran away because that was easier than me opening up to someone. 

I have always kept up an image since attending college. The image that a lot of people in the world want others to see them as, being perfect. What makes it even funnier or ironic (still not 100% on the definition of ironic) is I make fun of those people, the ones posting on Instagram their perfect lives, and relationships all the things they have going on. But the truth is I quietly was trying to be perceived as that person too. But no one is perfect (yes I know that sounds cheesy). The image of having everything put together, the image of being the tough athlete, the image of the stereotypical guy, all of it I allowed to become a part of me, and I allowed my pride and stubbornness (one of my strongest attributes) to get in the way of a lot of growth I could have had in being myself. 

Perhaps this can be my start, this writing, the wins, and losses, lessons learned and success stories found. Hopefully, I can take all I have truly learned about myself throughout my college years, put it all together and be the best me I can be. 

The Good Ole Days

 You hear it time and time again. 

"These are the best days of your life"

"You will blink and it will be over"

"These are the days you will miss" 

"You can't get the time back"

The cliches are endless. 

I will be the first to admit I am not great at emotions or sharing my feelings. I tend to try and avoid them, and while I have gotten better at them I am nowhere near an open book. However, at times my ability to open up and share is through writing, it is my outlet. 

Four years ago on a Monday night in late February, I made the greatest decision of my life, with the help of family and friends. I became a polar bear, I decided to call Ada, Ohio my home for the next four years. (I have now been able to stretch it to five) I knew I was making a good decision academically, I felt strong about the athletics, but not even I could have predicted how amazing a decision it would be. 

The athletics, the academics they are great, but they fall flat in comparison to the people the village of Ada has blessed me with. I have been given the most amazing people that I know will be with me for the rest of my life.

As the time winds down, I know that my time in Ada and the people I have been surrounded with for the past four years is coming to a close. And only one emotion comes to mind, Love. 

I love this place, I love these people. Ada provided me with the most amazing college experience imaginable and with everything I have been through the ups and downs I would make the same decision time and time again. 

I will never be able to express how much MY people mean to me. They know who they are. They know the impact they have had on me, and if they don't, this is their post. Their appreciation post. 

I have grown so much over the past four years and it is because of the support system and love I am surrounded by day in and day out. 

I have brothers for the rest of my life, football, soccer, and tennis players plus countless others that will always be down to steal a street sign, drink beer in a blizzard, or give me a hug when I lose a high school football coach. 

I have sisters for the rest of my life, basketball, softball, and volleyball players both active and retired that will always be there to listen till 4am, get a SODA from McDonald's, or take an ice cream trip. 

I have my people. I have a home that will never go anywhere because it is my people. They will never know everything they have done for me because I am still learning to share those emotions but I do know one word, Love. 

I love you all, my brothers and sisters for life that no matter where we go, we will be there for each other. 

For me art is an amazing expression of emotion, specifically, I have fallen in love with tattoos, especially ones that tell a story. 

And for those of you that may not be up to date on my human canvas status, I now have two that express my story of home, and the importance of the people I have met in every stop I have made. 

One that I received today with four of my brothers that will be with me till the day that I die.

6*1*5 (Our address here in Ada, Ohio for the past year) 

VI-Six brothers

I- One House

V- Five guys to be there for it all

My other tattoo that I received a little while back expresses the journey I have been on and how I will carry it in every step I take moving forward. I have been blessed to live in a lot of amazing places, with amazing communities and support systems, filled with Love. Communities that I will never take for granted with people that have made me, me. I will carry them with me, forever and all the lessons they have taught me, with all the love they have given me. 

The Epilogue: A Victory Lap

No regrets, live your life how you want to. In my other post I mentioned I knew I would change my mind, here is that change.

Only you can make your decisions, so be confident in your decisiveness. 

The world we live in nowadays drops a lot of rules on you. While these rules may not be written in stone, they are expectations. The societal norms. Certain expectations, pressures society has chosen to be acceptable. Even worse challenging society has become less and less acceptable. While everyone in society wants to share what they feel your should do.

Think about all the times in your life when you have done something because you HAD TO. Did you really? 

I had to go to school, I had to get good grades, I had to work, I had to make money, I had to take that job, I had to be friends with this person. HAD TO is a very common phrase in society today. You haven't had to do shit. 

You have chosen to do it, but why? What drives you or drags you through your day-to-day. It can be a multitude of emotions, and truly only you will ever know them. But perhaps what none of us want to talk about is the possibility of fear, fear can account for and impact a lot of things, in many different directions, you can be afraid of ANYTHING! Conflict, disappointment, change, fear can result in so many things that impact our day-to-day lives and decisions.

Personally, I have realized I have allowed fear to impact me, and as someone who thrives on their perception of confidence, that is hard to admit.

Confrontation is possibly one of the greatest most under-appreciated aspects of life. GREAT THINGS COME FROM CONFLICT. But there seems to now be a fear of disagreement, a fear of conflict, fear of challenges. All of this with the inability to disagree or have conflict but maintain a sense of respect for someone's opinion or decision. 

Good lord do I love conflict, I will conflict with anyone and anything, it is part of my foundation if I believe in something, I will go down throwing punches for it. Who cares what is acceptable about that, very few productive things have taken place in the world because someone immediately said yes. 

It is however risky and scary, you are putting yourself out there, being vulnerable, by being challenging. Being willing to do it does not guarantee success. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. But maybe that is what makes it all worth it, the reward that follows a risk. The challenge that you put upon yourself. 

I am 22 years old and a senior in college...

SOCIETY HAS A LOT TO SAY ABOUT ME LET ME TELL YOU. It is February 20th as I write you this. I am expected to be landing a full-time job, be deciding where I want to live for the early portions of my adult and "real world life". I am supposed to be finding financial security, being smart. Taking my degree and finding support and creating a career path, ALL OF IT. 

Pardon my language here but FUCK THAT. 

I will never do that. What is the point of that life? Where is the passion, the drive, the love of life, the risk? I do know what I want to do with my life, I want to have a lasting POSITIVE impact on the people I am blessed with in my life. 

The impact that so many people have had on me. I believe that the best way to do that is through coaching, and over the past few months, I have begun that journey. Resulting in some of the hardest decisions I have had to make in my life. 

But to graduate in 4 years and start my collegiate coaching career would be pretty much following the rules.

...Would there be an OUNCE of regret? Leaving perhaps the only positive thing to come out of COVID-19 on the table?... 

Due to COVID-19 collegiate athletes received a blanket waiver for the 2020-2021 NCAA season, by rule not costing athletes a year of eligibility.

Everything I wrote in my previous post is true, I look back on the past 4 years and only one word comes to mind, thankful. I have grown in ways I never imagined, I have proven things to myself I never even thought possible. But I still have things to prove, I still have an impact to make, on a community, and team that I love.

I can play one more year of the sport I love, in the village that I love, surrounded by my teammates, coaching staff, and community that I love, at the university that I love and that has helped make me who I am today.  The "real world" can wait, society can wait, normal is boring, normal is easy. 

I have an opportunity to finish what I started, to reach the lofty goals I set for myself long ago, and do it while also growing for that next chapter of my life. I will never be able to express the extent of my gratitude to Ohio Northern, the coaches that have believed in me throughout my career, and the teammates and friends that have been there for me through thick and thin. For all that they have provided for me. But I can try. 

So I will be playing my final year of eligibility at Ohio Northern University, and I will also be working tirelessly this summer and into the season gaining experiences in college coaching. 

Forever and Always. Go. Bears. 

The End: Not Just of a Chapter but of a Book

It has come to an end. I am writing this almost as a commitment to myself because knowing myself, and my self-diagnosed bipolar tendencies I will most definitely second guess my decision, and attempt to change my mind. It is November 8th, 2021 as I write you this... 

Spoiler alert...I did. 

17 Years roughly I have been involved with the game of football, my mother's claim to fame however is that it is 22 years after I attended my first football game at the ripe old age of 3 months. Football has changed my life, it has shaped me into who I am, it has impacted me, but there is more to me than football. 

There is more to me than what was the stereotypical high-school quarterback, or now a collegiate athlete. Even though at times I let those around me think that those titles define me. I know there always has been and always will be more to me. 

From the Westchase Colts, to the Berkeley Buccaneers, on to the Cranbrook Cranes, and now the Ohio Northern Polar Bears, I have played for a wide array of coaches, and programs. Institutions that my priorities did and did not align with. All of this has shaped my career, my thoughts, and my mindset moving forward. I have had coaches that changed my life, and I have had coaches that just let years go by. I have played for institutions that believed in and supported athletics, I have played for institutions that probably would wish them away. 

I am thankful for all of it. 

In the end, I never did obtain many of the lofty goals I set for myself. This is not to begin a pity party for myself but instead the beginning of a bittersweet reflection. But one that is not the end.

"What's meant to be, will be" a saying that I have worked to live by for quite some time now sits at the top of my head because while it's meant to be, it does not mean you have to like it. It also does not mean you can't influence it. However, I am thankful for it. 

They say you get what you put in. You must make sacrifices to be successful in all aspects of life. I never made the biggest ones necessary. Perhaps I still haven't, I am working on it.

I dreamed of winning a state title in high school, and I worked hard, but I never did enough to make that a reality. I didn't make those sacrifices necessary. I was the hardest working Quarterback in our league, as well as our district, we won both of those, but in the state, I was not. I am, however, thankful.

I wanted to play division 1 college football. To reach that goal you have to be one of the best 400ish quarterbacks in the country (that may be being generous) or know someone and even then you can come up short. I wasn't even the best Quarterback in my state I may have been top 10 but I wasn't there. However, I am thankful.

I wanted to be a 3 to 4-year collegiate starting Quarterback, at whatever level I ended up at. That never materialized, starters remained, transfers arrived, COVID hit, I didn't reach my potential. There are countless reasons why statistically my college career never hit how I wanted it to. However, I am thankful. 

My play on the field was always solid, but it was never great. I did what I could for the team I played with in my skillsets, I was tough, and I was smart, but I never challenged myself to grow my skill set or abilities, not the way I could have or should have. However, I am thankful. 

Off the field is a completely different story. I was involved in all aspects of a team, I was an NCAA rep, I was a leadership council rep, I ran team social media, I recruited, and in this last chapter, I have begun coaching, officially. 

I was a leader, I would say an exceptional one at that. I stood by my teammates and my locker room at all costs. I challenged coaches, athletic directors, and even school principals. I worked with underclassmen, allowed them to grow while also encouraging them, I wanted to be someone they could believe in and rely on. I did anything and everything for any team I was a part of, the team always came first. For that I am thankful. 

I will never be a player on a team again, I will never be a player in a locker-room full of guys from all backgrounds brought together by one common goal and interest. I will have those guys for the rest of my life though, the friends, and family now that has come from just a sport. I am eternally thankful for them. 

Thankful, yes I am. What a journey it has been, I just highlighted what to some could feel like positives and some negatives. But, "what's meant to be, will be". I ended up at the most amazing university for me, one that without football, I would never have known existed. It has surrounded me with opportunities and people that will be with me for the rest of my life, people I love, and opportunities and experiences that changed my life. 

This first book in my life is coming to a close, it was 22 chapters of ups and downs, scene changes, antagonists and protagonists, reoccurring characters, cameos, cliffhangers, and disappointments, with a few sprinkled in happy endings. 

As my time in Ada comes to a close I know there are still final pieces to be settled, final pages to be finished. But I am thankful for this 3 stop light village, that was brought to me by football. 

I am excited about my next chapter, I can all but guarantee the scene will change, new characters will be introduced, old characters will become part of the past, opportunities and challenges will grow. All of these will be part of the sequel, one that I am now even more confident that I can handle, and help write. 

"What's meant to be, will be" But that doesn't mean you can't influence it, or change what you are meant for.

***Disclaimer: Every good story needs an epilogue*** 
TO BE CONTINUED

When it's Gone. 08/10/90/99

It's said, "you only appreciate things fully, once they are gone." I have come to realize this to the fullest of extents over 21 years on this earth. It can be little things or big things. Places you were in your life you took for granted. Decisions you made or didn't. Opportunities you had, that you both took and missed. 

I understand I have not written in quite some time, I also understand that after reading that first paragraph this has a bit of a somber tone. I think it is going to pick up stick with me. 

I want to talk about appreciating not things at all, but people. Most people who know me can safely say I am a people person. I think that comes from the people I have been blessed with in my life. I know what good people, genuine people can do in someone's life. However, I know that I do not always appreciate, to the fullest the people in my life, making an impact, always in my corner. 

I think everyone can show it differently, a parent, an aunt or uncle, a cousin, a friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend. Every person has a different way they show support, or how they show, that no matter what you are never going to lose them in your life. 

I have been blessed with a lot of these people. Sometimes even I find it harder to realize that they are there for the long haul but over time, I appreciate it. 

On August 19th, 2020 I lost one of those people that I was beginning to learn to appreciate. He and I had a special relationship on the field. As time was passing the relationship off the field was developing as well. He no longer asked me about football, he asked me about life, work, academics, family, girls. He cared about the all-around man I was becoming. Sometimes he even let out a smile. 

My perspective and life have evolved since that day, and while no I am not where I want to be, I like to think I am going in the right direction. 

I have hugged teammates in ways I never thought I would have to. I have been at a loss for words when young guys looked to me for answers. But in a fashion only Coach Jones could entail I have grown, I Get To grow. 

I have learned that you have to appreciate it all, IN EVERY MOMENT. I have put a priority on living in each moment with those I hold so close because nothing and no one is guaranteed. I have tried to get past bad situations, tough and difficult choices, decisions, outcomes, finding what I get to do moving forward.  All of that comes from Coach Benjamin Jones. 

Perhaps what makes it all so more real for me, is that he was exactly 9 years older than me. August 10th, 1990, and 1999.

I have never been big on birthdays and trust me I don't think coach was either, but my birthday is forever changed. Don't get me wrong I appreciated my birthday, trips, and newer traditions, with people I will always love. But I have always said they are just another day but once again that is me not appreciating the things in my life I am blessed with. 

I spent two birthdays with Coach, my 17th and 18th, on the practice field, my junior and senior years of HS. That is almost what my birthday had become. A football practice day, I have had football practice on 7 of the last 8 birthdays I have "celebrated". I was perfectly okay with that! I believe possibly one last time that is how I will celebrate my birthday this August. 

But now my birthday means more, while it never truly was just mine, I can safely say, now it is our birthday. A day that I celebrate another year of life with the people and things I appreciate. 

With all this being said, this is not a random post, or writing. I do have a lot going on, decisions and choices at some point I will need to make, but I GET TO make those, I get to keep learning, growing, maturing and moving forward. And perhaps I needed a reminder of that, and one of those people I can never stop appreciating. I love you coach, and I will never forget the impact you had on me. 

I will end this "announcement" on this note, Coach Jones should be entering his 3rd year as the Head Football Coach at Cranbrook schools. Coach Jones should be my first call if I were to ever win the lottery. Coach Jones should be pushing student-athletes to be the best versions of themselves both on and off the field (which would include barrel-rolls). But instead, he is gone far too soon. 

The woman who hit and killed Coach Jones was driving at a .28 blood alcohol level, this selfish act took Coach Jones away from not only his current and former players, friends, and family, but kept him from having an impact on countless student-athletes to follow. I ask, no I beg, before you drink and drive, think about the other people you could affect, because it is never you who is affected the most. 

I will never forget, and I will not let his memory and legacy be pushed away or lost. I GET TO find the positive, I GET TO learn, I HAVE to, for him. 

Remembering Coach Jones

This started out as a letter to the 2017-2018 Cranbrook football team. Then I expanded it to the current players of the Cranbrook football team. Now I have decided I want it to be there for anyone who loses or has lost a coach. As for the first time in my life, I have lost a coach that changed my life and helped shape me into the athlete, teammate, and leader I am today.

As I barrel-rolled across the field today, for the first time in my 8 year football career I smiled during what is normally one of the worst things a player can have to do after a workout. Because I knew Coach Ben Jones was looking over me, probably laughing at me but watching over me. 

Coach Jones and I had a special relationship, one that not many people knew about. My junior year he was one of the first people to believe in me before I even believed in myself. I was a junior quarterback stepping in for the first time for an injured senior. He pulled me to the side put his arm around me (which was a little out of character for the Coach Jones I knew up to that point and said, "this team believes in you and so do I" I think a little smile even snuck out. 

From that point on I knew the real Coach Jones. Including the days when he would ask me how the team was doing, what the energy level was. He was a man who always had my back not just because he was coaching the guys who kept me off my ass. But because he believed in me through my entire CK career and to this day. 

The final story I will tell is one no one really knows because I was sworn to secrecy. My senior year, I did not really have a position coach, and as custom in football, stickers are presented to players after big games, wins, accomplishments of all kinds. Well, they come from position coaches and I didn't have one so about week three of the season coach came up to me and said "where are your stickers?" I didn't have any at the time he showed up 5 minutes later with a whole sheet, "You have earned all of these and more keep leading kid" That was the coach he was. Behind the scenes doing everything he could for the players he cared so much about. There isn't another person, or coach in the world I would want to share my Birthday with. https://twitter.com/CranbrookFB/status/895774741893656576

The Letter:

To my brothers, each and every one of you, 

Whether I played with you or not, know that we are a family and always will be. I wish I could be there to give each of you a hug and make it feel better. But right now I can’t and in all honesty, it won’t feel better for a while and that is okay! I hope you all can find strength in each other and in all of us who knew Coach Jones, know that you are not alone. 

He cared about each of us so much and wanted to bring the best out of you not only on the field but in life. It did not matter if it was your first year playing for him or you were an all-state senior, he was going to hold you accountable and expect the best from you. He was a great man and pushed every-one of his players to reach their full potential.

The memories you have of him will carry on with you for the rest of your life, I know that because as I sit here and write this, my memories with him fill my mind. The barrel rolls across the field, the deep-raspy yells that could have been heard across the lower fields, the hugs after big wins, and losses, he was truly a players coach.

He was tough on the surface and at times a hardass, but he was real, and he loved each of his players. He was going to tell you what you needed to hear no matter the situation, but he also knew the right things to say. He could sense how his players were feeling and he knew what each one of us was capable of.

None of this makes losing such a great coach and even better man easier. In all honesty, this shit sucks. 

I challenge each of you to keep him in your hearts for the rest of your football careers and more importantly your lives. Take the lessons he taught you and apply them to every aspect of your life. We all carry a part of him with us, and we are a part of his legacy. 

If any of you need anything please don’t hesitate to reach out, I have put my phone number at the bottom of this, and it is for all of you to have no matter what. 

Sincerely, 

Trevor McConnell

My Family Writes

To those that know us the best we are not emotional rocks, ESPECIALLY THE MEN! We cry, and when we cry, we cry hard! We wear our emotions on our sleeves like good Irish, and Scottish decedents should. We often have no filter, this is very true with the two youngest men that hold the McConnell name. And when we feel emotions we feel them to the fullest of extents, no matter the emotion high or low, good or bad, our emotions run the extreme.

My family tree is not the largest, and it is littered with females thus our last names continue to expand. We are spread across the country, and across age demographics. We love all kinds of things, we have interests in sports, reading, photography. We are athletes, we are salesmen, we are engineers, we are educators, we are managers, we are McConnell's. 

We are writers. 

In full disclosure a McConnell recently departed on their own new adventure, without the rest of us. In my eyes she was the strongest McConnell. Arguably the most opinionated of us all, she knew her beliefs and was not afraid to share them. We loved her for it, and the world is better off for it. 

(She wrote this herself)

https://www.legacy.com/obituaries/stltoday/obituary.aspx?n=elizabeth-mcconnell-bj&pid=195566793

I would be lying if I said we were the closest in our family, I will be honest and say that I did not know all that she had done until recently. I knew brief snippets of all the things this powerful woman had accomplished and yes, powerful is the word to describe her. 

So many wonderful things have been written about her. It is not my place to write more about this woman that I loved with my whole heart and even more so now respect for all that she accomplished and how she captured life!

Instead I wanted to write more about my family, and how we all are writing to deal with life nowadays. My cousins write(one of them puts us all to shame), my father writes, my uncle writes, and I write. I may be biased but we are all pretty damn good at it. 

Writing gives me a voice not many expect me to have. To this day when ever I tell someone I write I get a surprised look on their face as a response. Writing has become a platform for me to share other-sides of myself. It gives me an opportunity to be creative while also sharing, what I choose to share. Getting things off my chest in a distinct way. 

My dad writes for a multitude of reasons I am sure but, often they are to voice emotions that he couldn't share in the moment, sometimes because he was getting emotional. For I believe the past 3-4 years as a new school year has come upon us he has written me a letter. He has written me when he knows I am down, he has written me when he knows I am up. The act of writing something in today's society gives it all new meaning. 

My uncle and two of my cousins currently write to grieve, to cope, to celebrate, and to reminisce. Often times bringing their readers to tears (thanks Ross). Today because of all of their writing they sparked me writing. 

Writing is a freedom, and a gateway to more of oneself, it can be a stress reliever, an outlet, or therapeutic. 

With so much of my life seemingly turned upside down, I write because I know that it can't go anywhere. 

So I ask what would you write?

How you beat it!

Stuart Scott changed the world of sports broadcasting forever. He was taken from us far too soon. He still impacts people to this day, myself included.

I have taken this quote from his famous 2014 ESPY speech and for the longest time tried to apply it to every aspect of my life. It feels more applicable than ever today, it has for about the past week. I think I have been trying to deny the idea that my sophomore year in this little village that has become home, is coming to a close.

Surrounded by corn, and people who have, and continue too, change my life. I have entered my final 36 hours here. A year and semester that started with so much promise, comes to a close two months too early.

But I refuse to let it cripple me, I believe that more than ever what Mr. Scott spoke 6 years ago reigns true.

You beat the things that bring you down in life, the things that threaten you, by not allowing them to destroy you! You live your life, you continue your passions, you grow, you continue to live life!

I am the last student remaining on Ohio Northern University campus, At least that is what it feels like, and that is what I am going to tell myself. I have continued my days, I "go to class" online of course, I workout, I eat, I sleep, I play video games, I talk and hangout with friends. I refuse to let anything take away this life I have been given. To bring back a slogan that maybe more people need to apply to their lives, YOLO!

I have enjoyed these past couple days, walks through Ada, time with special people. I have taken this social distancing and isolation and in my own words, "Kicked COVID-19's ASS.

Do I have COVID-19? No, I don't think so but, considering what is continues to do to the world, I think everyone has it to some extent. However my Gen Z form of rebellion is not letting it effect me, or minimizing it to the best of my abilities.

Go live you life! Stay safe! Be smart!

But in your own way go kick COVID-19's ass!

Stargazing

Life is not easy. However maybe that is the beauty of it. Nothing seems to go to plan. Nothing seems to come easy. Yet we power through, we get through, we learn, we grow.

Tonight for the first time in far too long I went to our stadium and stared at the stars. Now keep in mind I go to school in the middle of a cornfield, our skies are gorgeous on clear nights. Something that I have not nearly taken enough advantage of. I sat underneath a windmill in a spot that will forever hold a spot in my heart for a multitude of reasons and I took it all in.

Maybe this was a reminder to "put my big boy pants on". Maybe this was a reminder that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this was a reminder to just go to work and focus on myself. None the less I needed it.

As someone who keeps his emotions, at least the deepest ones closest to his chest I will never be the first to admit that sometimes I don't know. For so long now I have kept the perception and the reputation of just being the guy in control. The guy with the answers, I am never too stressed always relaxed never too high or too low. From an early age I learned the 3 Cs calm, cool, collected. I have lived by them.

2020 has however tested all of me. In facets that I never could have predicted. I have seen those most important to me at their lowest. I have seen the normalcies of my life get thrown out the window. I have looked in the mirror and pushed myself to be better to step out of my comfort zone, to own who I am, who I want to be, and who I need to be.

So in a night where I needed some perspective I looked to the stars. I was in awe of their simplicity and beauty. It had been so long since I just looked up and enjoyed what has been given to me. Something that I have written about before. I truly don't know how the future unfolds, but I do know what I control. So it is my choice as to how I want to handle what I control, which is who I want to take the future on with, and how I want to live it.

So I ask, when was the last time you stargazed?

Victor In Arduis

Dear Parents, Family, Friends,

If you have followed along with my writing and its progress, as well as my personal progress as I have tackled my first few years of college you will see that while these past years of my life have been ever so challenging they have shaped me into in all honesty someone that I am so proud to be.

With that being said, I have written and talked about my struggles with home and family multiple times, given speeches about how important community is to me time and time again. Once again I write to you as I have done something that will forever leave a mark on me to help me recognize who I am and how I have become the young man I am today.

#McConnellvstheworld, a simple hashtag created by one person that I look up to in this world as much as anyone, and have since he used to throw footballs in the backyard of my grandmothers house higher than I ever thought possible.

While I have become who I am today through experiences and times on my own I have only had the ability to grow and become that person because of the people I have around me. My family is my everything. I sat/stood on the beach in January remembering one of the most influential woman I have ever had in my life I looked back at a house that was filled with many of the most important people in my life.

I wrote about how my home was with the people that truly meant the most to me. That remains true. But my family is something that could never be topped. I grew up in Florida and it is still a state that till the day I die will have a special place in my heart. But in that moment on the beach in Indian Shores, Florida I realized that there was something more important to me than a state.

For about a year now I had planned on getting a tattoo, I don't know why but I knew I wanted one. For the longest time I thought I had wanted it to be something signifying the state in which I grew up in. However I was wrong, because the only reason I wanted it to be that state was because it was where my FAMILY had been for so long.

So I changed my mind, quietly of course, I realized that it wasn't the state that I wanted to have with me when I needed "Victory In Adversity", it was my family. 

So on Friday, February 21st I did it.

Now when ever I face a hard time all I have to do is look down to see how I can get through anything, because I am a McConnell.

One Year Removed

If you need to be caught up on my love life, and who truly owns my heart please first refer back to my heartbreak of last Valentine's Day

A year removed from my traumatic day in which I watched my first true love be towed away, we are doing okay. There have been ups and downs, highs and lows, we have been through snow storms, potholes, Ohio back roads, and hour long summer commutes to downtown Detroit, and through it all, our bond has grown stronger.

Neither of us are perfect, sometimes the radio doesn't come on the first time I start her up, sometimes I hit a curb, every so often. But she is always there for me. No matter the journey, no matter the obstacles, I know I can always count on her to get me where I am going and keep me moving forward.

When I look back on a year with one of the few constants in my life I am reminded of so many different things. Most recently I am reminded of my micro class in which we talked about selling points, and the question of at what dollar amount would you sell your car came up. We are college students and the range of cars throughout the room was very broad. When it came to me however, I stunned the room at this point in my life when I said, I would not sell my car. The memories and the story behind my car, means more to me than any dollar amount ever could.

I am not saying that our journey together will never come to an end. In my experience, all great relationships come to an end. It takes exceptional relationships to survive and thrive through life together. 

As I continue on with my journey and hopefully she continues to be a part of it, she teaches me lessons everyday.

1. Never take her for granted.

2. When she needs something do your best to give it to her.

3. Spoil her, if she needs a new outfit or she deserves a new accessory give it to her.

4. The more you give, the more you will receive.

5. Always remember that no matter the relationship, it is never always going to be perfect. But, if it is important to you, you make it work.

08/23/1978 :8/24: 01/26/2020

I have always heard the 24-hour rule. After a game, practice, event all of the above no matter how it goes wait 24 hours to make a big decision or speak your mind. Do not let the emotions of a moment get to you.

I hate that rule. And while it has saved me time and time again, I have always felt the rawest of emotions are the truest. The ones you haven't sat and thought about for 24 hours. 

24 has a different meaning today. I sit here numb. I grew up watching sports. They shaped and continue to shape who I am today. 

One of the first professional athletes that I grew up villainizing was Kobe Bryant.

For some reason, I was a Celtics fan at that point in my life. And Kobe just rubbed me the wrong way. As time went on and I moved on to love my beloved Heat and Dwayne Wade, I learned more of who Kobe was. I learned the drive he had, the work ethic, the fact that he was traded on draft night. I learned that this guy from Philadelphia, PA was someone to look up too. 

This is the first time that an athlete that I quietly looked up to has passed away. More so someone of this magnitude in my generation has passed away. 

The feeling is different, it slows everything down. You realize how quickly everything can change. Life is so precious, and so many of us are just going through the motions. 

The average life expectancy in the United States in 78 years. That is the average, but none of those years are promised. It sounds cliche but what would you change about your life if you knew when your time was up? What risks would you take? Who would you want to spend time with? Where would you want to go? 

One thing I began to admire about Kobe Bryant as his playing days came to end. Was that he chose to reach back to the next generation in the NBA. Making a difference, impacting, and teaching them not only about skills on the court but also off. Maybe this is one final mamba lesson. 

I challenge, NO I IMPLORE YOU to live life in a way that takes advantage of every minute. Because not a single one is guaranteed.

My Goals for 2019

I did not hit them.

Trust me I hope every person had to do a double-take when they saw the title of this post. And I know January is supposed to be a month of optimism. The time of New Year's resolutions and new goals but how can one focus on a new year or new goals. If they don't first reflect on what they did in the past year. You can't get better if you don't realize and look at your mistakes.

I set high goals and reached for the biggest and brightest thoughts I could as I went into the 2019 year. I set 11 goals, and I hit 2.5 of them. Now I probably should have had more goals, gone deeper. But thank goodness I didn't.

Now first things first I don't want this post to be a pity party or a "wow Trevor had a pretty crappy year he didn't do a thing".

I grew in ways I never thought I could. I learned things that I needed to learn but didn't want to. I am still learning and aren't we all. I reshaped priorities time and time again.

Learning what was truly important. What matters to me. Who matters to me. So when I look at the goals I did not achieve over the past 365 days I realize I need to hold myself more accountable. And put things in a different perspective I can say all the right things, work towards all the right goals. But if I don't truly put myself to it and dedicate myself behind the lights how can I really hit the points in my life I need to. This year I have come up with 20 goals.

To share a few highlights:

1. I will achieve a 4.0 GPA

2. I will gain 15-20 pounds

3. I will be a positive influence on the people I meet in my life

4. I will be a leader in my community

5. I will reach back and have an impact on the kids I coach and meet through football

I put these here to help myself be more accountable. I will continue to write and continue to see this post and hopefully go into 2020 with new integrity and a new dedication to myself.

"An intense desire or enthusiasm for something."

Passion has a lot of definitions. The noun can mean so many different things. So when a professor asks you to find yours for an assignment, you brush it off because it seems easy. Until you have to figure it out the day before.

Yeah I procrastinated, but that is not the point of this post. Check back with me in a couple weeks I will have much better stories about procrastination.

I think everyone has their own idea of passion, but I am not sure how many people truly know what theirs is.

For me it's making a difference. And even more importantly making a positive difference in every life I touch. 

How I am remembered is a massive part of what motivates me everyday. I want to leave a legacy that people want to remember that people would want to follow. It is also something that can travel with me in every aspect of my life.

How people see you doesn't change with what you are doing. Whether you are having a heart to heart with a friend, throwing a ball on a field, taking notes in a micro class, or taking time too high five a little kid at an elementary school. Who you are, does not change with where you are.

And more importantly, how people see you, react to you, and remember you does not change either.

Everyday people make a difference in other people's days or lives. Everyday you can make a positive or negative impact on the people you come in contact with. No matter how big or small you think it is.

So I ask what impact will you have?

What is your true passion?

Mobile Home

I was asked recently what I considered home to be. And almost as if I had rehearsed it I said that "home was where I felt had shaped me into who I am and where I will always feel welcomed and at peace." For much of my life even if the actual roof over my head wasn't there I considered Florida my home.

However, over the past months and arguably year, I have realized that home does not have to be a singular place. I now know I have many homes. I have a home in Orlando, FL, I have one in Fort Lauderdale, Tampa, Ada, Ohio, Troy, Michigan, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, Detroit, Michigan Redondo Beach, California. Just to name a few.

Home has many definitions and synonyms, household, dwelling, condominium. The definition that should be focused on, A familiar or usual setting, a congenial environment sometimes gets lost.  Home can be where ever it is needed.

The places I stated above are not places I have lived, some of them are places I have never even been. But what I do know, is that in each city I have people who care about me. Home is not a structure not a place. Home is a people.



Over the past week, I have seen and spent time with family I had not seen in months. And it was back in the state I considered home. But, that wasn't what made this vacation so important or enjoyable to me. Being surrounded by the people you care about is what makes our lives and our time so worthwhile.

I watched as my parents, aunts, and uncles journeyed down memory lane with life long friends sharing stories that will stand forever. And while these friends and stories originated in central portions of Florida the tales would be told and the laughs would be shared if the meeting was taking place in a frozen tundra.

In life we all face hardships and struggles, we also reach new heights and joys. We do not rush to a building to share in those, we run to a people. We run to those we care about and that we know care about us.

So my question is not, where is you home? but, who is your home?

A Matriarch, Remembering One Who Brought Us All Together

Merriam-Webster describes the word as, a woman who rules or dominates a family, group, or state

specifically: a mother who is head and ruler of her family and descendants. Their use of the word in a sentence brought me to tears because it could not be more accurate in my family. Our grandmother was the family's matriarch.

To me, she was the first babysitter I remember. Golfing three times a week. Hotdogs at "the club" and, movie dates on rainy days. She was the first person I truly ever wanted to make proud. She was a role model in everything she did whether she knew it or not. 

To others she was mom. The chaperon, the chauffeur, the team mom, the shoulder to cry on, the advice you didn't want but needed, the rock in your life. Her smile and laugh lit up every room she entered. She made an impression the moment you met or saw her. 

The fact that she got her degree in teaching never surprised anyone as she always wanted to have a positive impact on those she came in contact with. Her home was always open whether you were the youngest sibling or cousin. Having the best day or the worst. She was whatever you needed her to be. She was summers at the beach, holiday meals, miller-lite and always cake behind the paper towel roll. 

Perhaps the most important thing that Marion passed on to so many people was the importance of community. Her family actively involved in swimming. She was very involved with the Greater Tampa Swim Association as well as the Academy of the Holy Names. She was an avid golfer and a  President of the Emerald Greens Woman's Golf Association. Everywhere she went it felt as if a family followed. 

Her fondest moments were surrounded by her community. Her kids, grandkids, great-grandkids, cousins, family, and friends. I still remember to this day the tears that came to her eyes moments when we were all together. Whether it was birthday celebrations, weddings, or holiday gatherings the look in her eyes as a family from across the country came together made it all the more special. 

As my family came together to celebrate the new year, and my uncle's 70th birthday on the sandy beaches of Indian Rocks, we celebrated both my grandmother and grandfather in the only way possible. As a community. 

There were and still are tears, laughs, stories, and memories. About two people and moments that have shaped and continue to shape an entire family. And will for generations to come. 

Marion, Mom, Grandma, GG

Gregor, Dad, Umpah

We love you, and are thinking about you every day. As we welcome in the new year, but never forget those who made not only the last decade but the journey of our lives memorable and brought us together to share it. 

2 Digits and a Decimal

Kanye West, Mark Zuckerberg, Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Michael Dell, Evan Williams the list goes on and on. What do they all have in common? They dropped out of school at one point or another. I understand that the era that most of these stars were making their names is a different era than that of today but the messages and principles you can take from their stories remains the same.

A college campus during dead week or finals week is not the place to boost your morale. In between mental breakdowns, procrastination, studying, power naps, and exams college students are not in the best state. 

Spoiler: I have never, nor will I ever stress about school.

I was recently with a friend who brought up a valid point while doing a last minute homework assignment, she spoke of a tweet she saw (social media strikes again) "why do we pay thousands of dollars to pay someone to teach us things that ultimately we are just going to go back to our dorm room and google to make more sense of!"

Growing up the son of a teacher/administrator I have always had the inside scoop on the education system at least I thought I did throughout elementary school. Fun fact, it's broken. All the way to the top. 

We grow up in a society in which my dad, a Pre-K through 5th grade administrator, has to talk to 3rd grade parents that want to know how their child will be prepared for college!

Why do six letters determine how successful a young powerful mind is going to be. Countless studies show that an overbearing amount of stress can negatively affect grades more than the rigors of an actual curriculum. I can confirm after 10 interviews in my life, NOT A SINGLE ONE HAS ASKED FOR MY GPA AT ANY LEVEL! 

Why do middle school and at certain high schools' kids come home with more busy work than the amount of work that they have done at school the same day? Students need to be challenged they need to learn. Yes, but about what? In all honesty through high school my best learning experiences were opportunities I made myself. Meeting with students from a school from across the country, Setting up and end of the year internship with a small business. 

Why do college students feel that their GPA is going to make or break their success in their lives ahead?  How is a test or exam on a topic that they likely will not use in their real-world job our benchmark as to how successful someone can be? 

The world is changing, but is our education system changing with it? To quote in my eyes a very revolutionary thinker in the world of education, "the world that students are going to go into by the time they graduate is going to be very different than the world today, so why wouldn't we teach them skills that can transcend time." 

The Holiday No One Should Need

I am that guy this year. It is an unwritten rule what things are and are not okay to discuss over Thanksgiving dinner. I was the one this year to break that rule. In my defense Thanksgiving dinner this year was just myself (the only child) and my parents. My family is spread out across the United States with certain portions of it having meals from coast to coast (literally California and Florida).

Our Thanksgiving meal has been quite small since we moved to Michigan, sometimes consisting of friends other times it is just the three of us, and our vacuum otherwise known as Magic our golden retriever. Meal conversations cover a wide array of topics often football/sports related, or random topics that can come up in conversation such as if my mother was going to be in the Olympics what sport would she compete in.

This year, however, I brought up a topic that in most households would fall under the "not okay to discuss" list. I have never been quiet about my opinions and the stronger I feel about certain opinions the louder I tend to get. This year I touched a topic that I feel might reach more tables than just my own.

"Why is Thanksgiving necessary?"

I may have said this 6 pieces of turkey in, and my mom may have first laughed it off, but I was serious. My dad who has gotten quite good at reading when an issue or a topic is something I am serious about, went silent. He looked at me and asked me to elaborate.

Now don't get me wrong I believe that Thanksgiving is a great holiday and it can teach us a lot about the history of this country. I am just not sure why it is required. When you ask people their favorite parts about Thanksgiving the responses are family, food, friends, time off, relaxation, and unfortunately lastly, giving thanks.

My challenge is why is a day needed for this. If you want to be with your family and friends DO IT! Go be with them! Spend a weekend or even just a meal with the people in your life you love. Don't wait for a day once a year to let them know you love them and how blessed you are to have them in your life. If you need to relax then relax. Understand how precious our time on this earth with people we care about truly is.

Give thanks all the time. I am guilty of this probably more than most. In today's society it is so much easier to see the negative side of things, the why nots, the what I don't have. I challenge you to take a step back. Realize what you do have. What you are thankful for. Do not wait for one day a year.

Not every day is guaranteed.

Disney Part 2: The Most Magical Place on Earth

Known around the globe, "The Most Magical place on Earth" lives up to its name. A staple of Disney's universe, Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida has become one of the most popular tourist destinations both domestically and internationally. Upwards of 60 million people visit and stay at the Disney World Resort annually making it the most visited resort in the world.

Walt Disney World comprised of 4 theme-parks, 2 waterparks, and 2 eating/shopping destinations. Has revolutionized the vacation experience. Whether it's seeing Mickey Ear's throughout airports or the smiling faces throughout the parks. Disney has created a world and class of its own. 

Famously known are the four major theme parks exclusive to Orlando. The Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom, Epcot, and Hollywood Studios bring together all the worlds, and characters Disney has created over the past 90 years. 

The lesser known attractions on the 39 square mile, 25,000-acre property are; the water parks, Blizzard Beach and Typhoon Lagoon, as well as the newly renovated boardwalk and Disney Springs areas. With 25 resort hotels that reside on property Walt Disney World Resort has blossomed into its own world. Running this world in the most precise fashion is a cast and crew of over 58,000 that work on and around the property daily. 

The resorts infrastructure is a secret known to only said cast and crew. Walt Disney was adamant that the workings and behind the scenes actions of his creation would not be known to the outside world as it would take away from the experience and magic of the stay. 

The thought and emphasis put into the famous mantra "The Most Magical Place on Earth" is what makes Disney so different. The idea was simple, create a new world. Where kids could dream, and adults didn't have to grow up. The implementation is what made it magical.